Are you in a relationship where you always want sex, or your partner is always asking for sex, and your partner is never into having sex, or you believe they want too much sex? What this issue is called is mismatched sexual desire or desire discrepancy.
The definition of sexual desire mismatched is where one partner desires more sexual activity than the other person or persons within the relationship.
When talking about sexual mismatch, it is also necessary to understand there are two types of sexual desire. This is spontaneous desire, often portrayed in movies and TV shows, where sexual desire happens almost instantaneously.
The other kind of sexual desire is called responsive desire, when individuals are not immediately interested in having sex, or one is currently not interested in the other person sexually.
The way responsive desire works is that individuals interact together, which could include hugging and having a meal to spend quality time with one another, leading to a slow build of sexual arousal.
That’s why there are many stereotypes where the husband or boyfriend massages the woman’s feet, leading to sexual intercourse.
Sexual Mismatch is Normal
A recent study showed that up to 80% of couples struggle with this issue — a situation where partners’ sexual desires are misaligned.
But this mismatch doesn’t need to mean the end of a relationship, so long as both partners commit to open, honest and empathetic communication.
It’s also important to understand that this sexual mismatch can be due to stress, work and lifestyle. If one of your partners prefers to have sex in the morning rather than in the evening or mid-day, this may not be possible due to the constraints of childcare for work.
The average person works anything from 35 to 40 hours a week, factoring in the stress and other life pressures which can lower the sex drive.
The key for couples inside their relationship is communication and the willingness to have sex with their partner.
As long as there is a desire or maybe more beneficial, the intention to have a sexual relationship is critical to maintaining your sexual happiness and fulfilment.
Another factor that needs to be considered is whether or not you or your partner has a hormonal issue that caused the lowering of your sex drive; for a man, it can be visible due to the ability to have an erection.
In contrast, for a woman, it can be seen as invisible due to the woman’s sexual organs being internal.
Furthermore, if both parties are suffering from a form of depression, it lowers the sex drive and also, being overweight contributes to reducing a person’s libido.
This is why there can be an unhealthy cycle of depression tablets that lowers libido, increases weight gain and decreases the willingness to engage in sexual activities.
Advice from Rena Malik, M.D. link